Ahh, not too long ago, I saw all those classy women in their 30's, toting briefcases, dressed in power suits, yacking on cell phones about some thing that needed to happen right away.
I set a goal for myself, to be that corporate new age women, city gal, working and living downtown with the high pressure job.
I've achieved exactly what I wanted 5 years ago, and I'm just not sure how I feel. I secretly long to leave my laptop at work, ignore one of my 3 blackberries, and wonder why I wanted this for myself?
I love my job, it drains my energy that craves to be exhausted. It satisfies that same personality that left me bored out of my scull is past jobs, and desperately looking for a way out. At the end of the day, I'm dizzy from the amount of obstacles being thrown at me, but happy I resolved it all.
I come home to my empty apartment, and look around, and wonder how could things have been different? Relationships on the back burner, no children, family far far away. Too exhausted to change it........
Is this the life I so enviously wanted?
The newest goals are more of a work life balance, to have more energy, to maybe meet someone possibly and settle down, a best friend to share life and experiences. Maybe not the soccer mom experience for me, but things change. I'm envious of the soccer moms, and the joy their kids must bring them. The warmth of a family, the security of belonging to something that truly matters.
Did I get it all wrong? Is it too late? Does this truly matter?
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